Beyond Repair

You’ve been my shadow forever.
Always nearby when there’s a crisis,
Yet never overpowering.
I feel your presence always
It’s so distant but so persistent.
Often it slips my mind,
Your selfless love.
Yet you’ve loved me with all your heart,
Never asked me for anything in return.
I feel your sorrow, often at my expense
But that smile – I never do see it slip.
I pine after what I never can have,
I run after people who never needed me,
But you did, you do and I’m never there.
I love those that can never love me like you.
But you’re so close and still I can’t love you so.
Why do I never feel your heart beating
But wish someone else’s did?
Why do you have to be so selfless
When I deserve none of it?
Why do you love me still
When all I am is broken?
All I do is break your heart
But you always return.
I fear the day you never will
I fear the day you’d have had enough
For I’ll always need you
But I still can’t stop running.
I still hurt you
Knowing you are worth so much more.
I’m lucky you’re here,
And you’re unlucky to have loved me.
Because all I am is broken –
Beyond repair by even your love.

This Season…

She was excited again. This time around, she could hardly hold still. Christmas was approaching and she had shopping to do. But knowing her, she would have done them long before it was actually time. Such was her love for this season.

Now, why am I telling you this? Because, my friends, she’s our heroine. This is her story.

Now our girl here, had this special person in her life. Her best friend, of course. She and he were a package deal – neither would be seen without the other. But this year, something had changed.

She  had realised that her feelings for her best friend ran deeper than simple friendship a long while ago. But her life and his had pulled them in different directions until their friendship had snapped briefly. Years later, chance had it that they met again. Too cliché? Well, too bad. It’s her story.

She had to tell him now, didn’t she? She had kept it to herself for long enough. So she told him.

He was shocked at first. But surprisingly, he accepted her affections with the utmost respect. How could she have been so stupid to keep it from him for so long?

This year, was their first Christmas as a couple. Years spent away from each other, was being made up for, gradually, with each second that they spent together.

This year, was extra special. He asked her to marry him. She accepted.

Under the mistletoe, they got married like she had always dreamt of. Under the mistletoe, he kissed her while family and friends applauded in joy.

Under the mistletoe, they vowed to spend the years of their remaining lives for each other. At the ripe old age of eighty and seventy – five, they lived their happily ever after, for as long as they did.

Truly, love was ageless and boundless just like theirs.

Love

I sat down
By  the sea.
I ran a hand
Down my cheek.

I had fallen in love
Exactly at this spot.
With you right beside me,
All beautiful and calm.

I studied your features
Day and night.
I saw you
For who you were.

I see you everywhere
Yet I seem invisible
To you
And your heart.

This is painful,
Loving you.
But I’d rather love you
Than die having not.

That day I confessed,
You left your fingerprints on my face.
That disappeared
But not the crack in my heart.

Soon, I see you with him,
You’re laughing.
I suppose  you were happy now
You never did need me, after all.

Years flew by
You disappeared from my world.
Then you suddenly appear one day,
Broken inside and out.

Those marks on your face,
Similar to what you left on mine
That cracked lip
Like the crack you gave my heart.

Is this payback?
You don’t seem to care.
You don’t even fight anymore.
But I need you to.

Will you see me this time?
I’d forgive you in a heartbeat.
Do you need me now?
I’ve always been around.

But this time around
I shan’t hold a flame to you.
I was burnt once
I shan’t be, twice.

I still love you though, I always have.
But you’ve shown me
How to love myself first, always
And that, I never will forget.

The Voices

Hello, guys! A new poem. Hope you’ll like it.

I sit here, all alone
Listening as the waves crash
It’s beauty in all she is,
The sea, the sky and the earth!

Cacophony sounds around me,
But I feel at peace –
It’s quiet in my heart
But yet so loud with my thoughts.

They speak to me, the voices
They tell me things gory and terrible.
Fear them, I did, long ago
But now, I accept them as mine own.

It’s a struggle everyday
To listen or not to their words.
They remind me of my unworthiness
Should I be grateful or sad?

I’ve come so close to release now,
A few feet from here
And I’d be so free.
Should I take the plunge or not?

The choice, I know, is mine,
I choose to fight for now.
But yet again I wonder, oh dear God
What will happen when my strength runs cold?

Fear

So, I’m back with a new poem. It’s been a long time since I have written anything. Hope you like it!

I felt it before I saw it.
It was fear personified.
Sweat lined my forehead
As I got lost
In the depth of my terror.
Blood pounded in my ears
Trepidation engulfing my heart.
Oh what was to become now?
I had no clue.
White faced and scared to death
I inched forward
Closer and closer
Until it was within reach.
Stared back at me, it did,
Emotions none whatsoever on display.
My nightmare stood in front of me
And I braced myself for the outcome.
It came eventually, in waves,
As the panic slowly ebbed away.
Heart rate lowered and I breathed in deep.
It was done, I survived,
I chanted in my thoughts.
A hesitant smile broke out
And then it widened,
A full blown grin taking its place.
I didn’t know horror anymore
I was happy.
For I had gotten through with flying colours,
As was seen on my report card!

Please tell me what you think!

Hey, guys!

This is not a story or poem. So, sorry if you were expecting something like that. But it definitely is regarding that.

You can see, if you look on my blog, that I haven’t posted anything in a long time. I just haven’t felt like writing anything so far and so I haven’t posted anything either.

I don’t know how much longer it’ll be before I write something. I’m taking a break for now. So, if you’ve been waiting for a post, I’m really sorry. But if you haven’t, then you didn’t miss anything at all, so be happy!

Hope I can write something soon.

Shweta.

Temptation

A new post! 😀

She hated herself at that moment. She always gave into temptation and this time too she could not resist, like all the previous times. She was sick of it now. It was painful as she looked at herself and saw how flawed she was. She did not feel beautiful but she wanted to. Tomorrow, she decided, she would turn over a new leaf. She couldn’t continue this way. It was unhealthy. But for now, she needed it one last time. Her mind made up, she took hold of the knife and cut again. Tears brimmed over as she stared at what she had done. It was not the first time that she had relapsed but the apple pie looked so delicious that she cut another piece and stuffed herself with it.

I’m going to die fat and lonely. Her thoughts would not leave her alone and tears now streamed down her cheeks. She would never be perfect for anyone but at least the pie would never complain, right?

Thoughts, please?

Terror

Hello! This is variation of a story I had posted earlier.

She stood in front of the mirror and studied her reflection. Fresh out of a warm shower, her hair stuck out in a messy, cute way. Her skin glowed in the diffused yellow light that came from the intricate fixture above the mirror. She smiled at her reflection, feeling happy and beautiful.
The lighting was perfect. Her skin and face were perfect. Clearly, this was the time for a perfect selfie! She ran to her room to collect her phone before returning to her earlier position in front of her mirror. Then, she clicked away. Pouting here and smiling there, she had to be great in them.
Once she was satisfied with the number of pictures she had taken, she decided to check.

Menu. Gallery. And voilà!

There she was, cute and lovely in her duck faced selfies. And then something caught her eye. On the right top corner of the picture was…. a face? She swirled around immediately to check behind her and… nothing. No faces other than hers and not in the mirror’s reflection either.

She was startled. Was this some kind of a joke? Was something wrong with her phone now?

She checked all the other pictures then. The face was definitely still visible. There was a body attached to it too and in each picture, she saw it coming out of the wall and closer to her. In the last picture, it was right behind her.

To say she was terrified was an understatement. She decided to click one more to see that creature again. With trembling hands, she raised her phone and clicked.

Accessing the picture, she peered at it. No face except hers. Nothing but her empty bathroom behind her.  She didn’t know if this was good or bad. One more picture, she decided, would confirm it.

Again, she raised her phone. Her hands shook and her finger couldn’t hold still as it poised, ready to press the button. She closed her eyes tight, praying, as she pressed it.

The last picture too had no alien faces. She sighed in relief. This was probably some hallucination, she reasoned. It had to be nothing.

Once she was calm, she pushed thoughts about whatever just happened away and took a deep breath. Now that the face was no longer there, maybe she should click another selfie amd send it to her boyfriend. Maybe…. something naughty? The thought excited her and she grinned to herself.

When the last picture was taken and sent she turned to her mirror with a relieved smile. Her reflection smiled back but then, something happened.

Her reflection slowly changed into the face that she had seen in her earlier pictures. It raised its hands as she looked on scared and perplexed. She had no idea what was going on.

The creature in the mirror, she saw, was writing something in the dew that had formed on the mirror.

The words had their desired effect on her as cold sweat slid down her back and her eyes went wide at what it said:

“You just sent your Dad a nude.”

So which one would you prefer??

The Case Of The Suicides

The weekly challenge is here!
Challenge: to write a story on someone committing suicide. The person should not be a student, teenager or lover.
Challenger: None other than my friend, Asim.

“The Santagios. They were a nasty bunch, to say the least. They were pretty respected by the people of the village, out of fear mostly but also because they sustained the village. The Santagios were akin to the emperors of the place. Their word was law and it was always obeyed. Anyone who objected would face their wrath. And their wrath, always came in calculated waves. No person who walked on the other side of their law ever lived long enough to talk about it.

However, one night, misfortune struck the whole lot. The police had decided that enough was enough. They could not have any other ultimate power but theirs in the area. The Santagios had to go.

No doubt the Santagios were criminals but prosecuting them would be impossible with no evidence. That’s why the police set about gathering proof.

A witness here, a witness there and a fingerprint or two planted wherever necessary and soon the Santagios had the noose tighten around their necks; they were sentenced to death by the court of law.

Years later, this is still considered the most famous case our department has ever seen.
Any questions?”

The police chief looked around the room. He had been at his first lecture of the day. His students, the newest recruits were being briefed about their jobs when one of them asked him about this particular case and he had obliged to tell them about it. Now, he saw a hand shoot up followed by others and set about settling their doubts.
He was soon done with his new recruits and let them. It had been a long day in this sleepy town and no case had yet to be reported, not a single parking ticket had been given to anyone today. With such a small population, nothing else was to be expected.

Back in his office, he took a moment’s rest before concluding the last hour of his duty. That’s when, his phone rang.

£”Chief Paulo.”, he answered.

“Chief, there’s been a death. It’s another one.”, a voice informed him.

The chief rushed to the site. A death was hardly a rare occurrence in the town, but this one the Chief knew, was no simple death.

The site was not far from the police station and in a small matter of time, he was at his destination. The Willow Park, where the body had been found, was anything but a park. It was filled with willow trees, yes, but it was more similar to a forest than a park. The townsfolk never really ventured here much. It was believed to be the haven of their ancestral spirits and the people did not dare disturb them for fear of their wrath.

The chief however did not believe in their superstitions. This place was perfect for any sort of illegal activity as it was sparsely populated in this town. Which is why, the chief was not surprised that another body had been found there, exactly like the previous two.

He walked carefully through the drooping tree branches making sure he didn’t bang his head on any low ones. An unconscious chief of police would hardly bode well for his fellow officers.

Once he was through, he came into the clearing were the body had been found. His officers were already at work and he saw that the town’s coroner was there as well.
He walked closer to them careful not to disrupt any possible evidence, not that there was going to be much.

“Chief, gloves?”,one of his assistants approached him holding out a pair of gloves.

“Thank you Pauly”, he said as he accepted the pair. The assistant simply nodded before moving in to further important tasks.

He donned the pair of gloves before taking in the body dangling from a branch of one of the trees by a rope tied around the neck. The face, he recognised, was of Thomas Walker or Old Man Tom as the townspeople had called him.

“Good morning, coroner.”, he spoke when he was done with his cursory examination of the site, “Suicide?”

The coroner looked up at the Chief and nodded grimly before speaking.

“In the past three months, this is the third suicide case we have seen.-”

“All from this same branch of tree.”, the Chief finished for him.

“Odd.”, he added in confusion.

“And Chief, look at this. The same tattoo on the left arm. And it’s new. It was done before this man died.”, the coroner explained. There was clotted blood on the said tattoo and thus it had to be, like the coroner had deduced, done before the death of the individual. But the strange thing was, the same tattoo had been found on the previous two dead bodies as well.
A serial killer who specialised in making the murder look like suicide? But then, he or she would have left some sort of evidence behind! There bad to be. The Chief’s thoughts ran ahead in full speed.

“All evidence suggests of suicide, I suppose? No second footprints around, no tyre marks suggesting the victim walked over here and all on his own accord. No cigarettes butt or anything to suggest a second person being involved?”, the Chief asked, his desperation clear in his voice.
The silence that followed was answer enough to the Chief.

“I’ll have the autopsy report sent to you soon, Chief.”, the coroner said.
The body, after the initial evidence collection had been done, had been cut down from the branch and put into a bag. The Chief made sure that the body would reach the coroner’s office before leaving.

He was tired after a long day and the lack of any proper evidence was frustrating. He was not stupid to believe that this was a simple suicide. It was too.. Organised to be that. He had to get to the bottom of it, he decided.

Soon days turned into weeks without any progress on the case. The coroner’s report had only made him more angry. Of course it said suicide, he had known it would but that didn’t appease him. He was all the more determined to solve this case now.
However, his luck seemed to turn around one day when he received a phone call.

” Chief, we have a witness to the Willow Park case.”, it was one of his assistants on the phone.

He didn’t bother to reply once he had noted down the address because the next moment he was out of the door. At the witness’s house, he rang the bell and was soon shown in.

The witness, was a young boy of eleven, he had been informed. He had been sick all this time since the previous night of the suicide. He had been believed to have seen a spirit at the Park that night, on one of his explorations. This, they thought, had affected his young mind leading to his fever. But this morning, the fever had broke and the boy bad spoken for the first time in days. The story he had to tell, though, was not of spirits.

“I saw two men.”, he stammered, “One was at the tree. He was climbing it while the other watched. And then… the man.. he.. he.. hung himself from a rope. The other man stood there and watched.He didn’t do anything, Mama! He just stood there. He didn’t stt… stop the man!”

The boy then started sobbing into his worried mother’s lap. “I’m so sorry, Chief. He is just scared. My boy hasn’t been the same since that night.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”, he spoke soothingly to the mother. Then turning to the little boy who was quiet again, he said,”Hey big guy, you’re one brave little soul all right? You’ve helped me so much by speaking the truth and I’m proud of you. But I have one little question before I leave. Can you answer it for me?”

The boy who had been listening carefully nodded in answer. “Son, I want to know if you saw the face of the other man. Did you?” The boy shook his head indicating a no.

“I only saw his back. He had a jacket on. That’s all I remember.”, the boy said.
The Chief took in this information and filed it away for later. After having bid his thanks and goodbye to the mother and child, he went his way.

Chief Paulo, hours later, was back home. His little witness had given him proof that this was no simple suicide.

He didn’t however understand how there were no second set of footprints if there was a second person included. And why was the second person been watching the other man kill himself? It didn’t make any sense to him.

His thoughts thus occupied his mind when he heard the sound of breaking glass. He jumped off the chair and grabbed his gun before moving on to look into it.
He slowly inched towards his living room window from where he had heard the sound and found that the glass had been broken with a stone that had been hurled at it. It was a simple distraction he realised and mulled over his next option in his mind.

“Drop your weapon, Chief. Time’s up.”, a voice said from behind him.

The Chief turned around to face the intruder.

” Pauly?”

“Yes Chief. It’s me.”

“You were behind all those suicides?”, the Chief asked in disbelief.

” Of course.”

“But how? Why?!”

“Oh it’s simple. Remember Sarvez Santiago? He was my illegitimate father.” He paused then for effect, before continuing, “That’s why we don’t share the last name of course and no one knows except me and now you.”, he spoke, his face smug.

Then it changed to one of sorrow. “He was a great father, you know. But he was killed. Those three men who killed themselves? They were witnesses in my father’s hearing.”

He paused again before continuing, “That was the greatest case indeed. But this will be even more great. When they find the Chief of Police at that tree, dead, having hung himself.”

“You were getting too close to having me caught. So I have to kill you now.”, Pauly said.

The chief looked on in confusion and terror as the other man drew out a strange device. It looked like a simple smartphones but with something that looked like simple satellite dishes poked out of it from two sides.

“Ah, the advances of science! I invented this myself, by the way. It can read your thoughts and brain signals as you concentrate on the screen. Soon, it will render you incapable of your own thoughts and I’ll have you under my control. Then, you’ll do what I ask you to.”

“Even kill yourself.”, he added with an evil grin.

“But what about the shoe prints? Why were there only one set? If you were present too?”

Pauly laughed. “Come on chief, is it so difficult to steal shoes that has the same print as my victims’? I don’t think so. Now, that all your doubts are cleared, let’s proceed. If you’d just look at the screen please…. ”

The next morning there was indeed a body hanging from the tree. The officers were stunned.

Dangling in front of them, was none other than their co-worker, Pauly.

The Chief was there too of course, his face expressionless. But in his mind, he was recounting the fight that had ensued in his home which ended up having Pauly forcibly be subjected to the power of his own machine. He had been literally given a taste of his own medicine and now here he was, hanging from the same branch with the same tattoo on his arm, that the chief had learnt last night, was the Santiagos’ court of arms.

The Chief was finally relieved. This case was now solved. Pauly’s device would soon be found at his home where he had left it last night. His now dead assistant would be identified as the mastermind behind the suicides and his own suicide would be believed to have been due to guilt as would be proven from hia suicide note in his own handwriting. His machine had finally been of some good use. It had served the Chief in making sure that Pauly would be safely dealt with and also have the case solved once and for all.

He smiled sardonically to himself now, as he thought how lucky the townsfolk were. For the only remaining illegitimate son of Sarvez Santiago, was hell bent on ensuring peace, as their Chief of Police.

I hope it’s turned out well, but I’m not sure. Please forgive if it hasn’t but do let me know! Thank you!

Selfie

Hello everyone. New post!

She stood in front of the mirror and studied her reflection. Fresh out of a warm shower, her hair stuck out in a messy, cute way. Her skin glowed in the diffused yellow light that came from the intricate fixture above the mirror. She smiled at her reflection, feeling happy and beautiful.

The lighting was perfect. Her skin and face were perfect. Clearly, this was the time for a perfect selfie! She ran to her room to collect her phone before returning to her earlier position in front of her mirror. Then, she clicked away. Pouting here and smiling there, she had to be great in them.

Once she was satisfied with the number of pictures she had taken, she decided to check.

Menu. Gallery. And voilà!

There she was, flawless in her duck faced selfies. And then something caught her eye. On the right top corner of the picture was…. a face? She swirled around immediately to check behind her and… nothing. No faces other than hers and not in the mirror’s reflection either.

She was startled. Was this some kind of a joke? Was something wrong with her phone now?

She checked all the other pictures then. The face was definitely still visible. There was a body attached to it too and in each picture, she saw it coming out of the wall and closer to her. In the last picture, it was right behind her.

To say she was terrified was an understatement. She decided to click one more to see that creature again. With trembling hands, she raised her phone and clicked.

Accessing the picture, she peered at it. No face except hers. Nothing but her empty bathroom behind her. She didn’t know if this was good or bad. One more picture, she decided, would confirm it.

Again, she raised her phone. Her hands shook and her finger couldn’t hold still as it poised, ready to press the button. She closed her eyes tight, praying, as she pressed it.

The last picture too had no alien faces. She sighed in relief. This was probably some hallucination, she reasoned. It had to be nothing.

She stared at her mirror with a relieved smile and her reflection smiled back. But then, something happened.

Her reflection slowly changed to the face she had seen in the earlier pictures and then raised its hands. She looked on more than just terrified.

The pointer finger of the figure, she saw, was writing something in the dew that had formed on the mirror.

The words had their desired effect on her as cold sweat slid down her back and her eyes went wide at what it said:

“You’re on the wrong side of the mirror.”

What do you think friends?